Listening to: Martha Wainwright, again. Haven’t for a while. Still lovely.
Thinking about: compassion.
On the radio today they discussed leaving a party early without saying goodbye to anyone- ‘the phantom’, the talkback host, Richard Stubbs, called it. I used to do this all the time. Shocking, isn’t it? But I never realised I was being rude. I just genuinely thought no-one would notice if I was there or not. Assumptions of your own lack of importance so often appear as the opposite I have found.
It’s nice to be old enough to forgive yourself for your stupidity. I feel compassion when I look back on my younger self – I was so unaware, so blind to myself and to others. The young people around me now sometimes seem the same way to me. But at other times they seem so much wiser for their years than I ever was. I felt like although I took responsibility for myself quite young, I took a long time to grow up. Sometimes we can confuse those two things.
And then comes the dread thought; assuming I am still around in twenty years,what am I doing today that I will be looking back on with the same sinking feeling? Because there will be something, I’m betting on it. Maybe this blog!