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Sometimes the general poopiness of life gets to even the most optimistic of us. At these times you can take no half measures; strong remedies are required to stave off a full-blown slump. I recommend the immediate application of the following:

1. Red shoes.

2. A good coffee.

3. Time spent beneath a large oak tree.

4. Dogs.

5. Ginger biscuits. A bracing sort of treat.

6. Attractive underwear. Seriously. Nothing can destroy an already shaky morale as completely as saggy, greying knickers. It makes no difference if no-one else sees them – you know.

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